and that’s about the time she walked away from me

nobody likes you when you’re 23

and you still act like you’re in freshman year

what the hell is wrong with me?

my friends say I should act my age

(what’s my age, again?)

that’s about the time that she broke up with me

no one should take themselves so seriously

with many years ahead to fall in line

why would you wish that on me?

i never want to act my age

To the guy who replaced me,

There’s a few things you should know.

I have to admit I’m jealous. Of course I am. I doubt you know I even exist. Most people don’t. She might tell you, if you ask. I’m not sure. I’m not sure how I feel about that.

Don’t be scared when you fall. Your time with her, however long, will probably be some of the best of your life. She’s not perfect. She can be closed off, insecure, indecisive, a little too frugal. She will use logic over her emotions, and if you’re like me, it will occasionally drive you up the wall. Sometimes she has a hard time forgiving people, and can hold grudges.

But.. she has a heart of gold. One of the smartest people I’ve ever met. Definitely the most dedicated, passionate person I’ve ever met. She will treat you tenderly and with kindness that you never knew could exist. Her eyes will instantly melt your bad mood. She’ll tell you it’s okay to cry, and you will, because she’ll make it okay.

If, when, she falls in love with you, you will feel like the luckiest person alive. You will sleep better at night, except for the nights when she’s sleeping beside you - how can you sleep when you have someone like that laying less than 4 inches away from you? 

Sometimes a little too frugal, sure, but she’s amazing at gifts. She’ll find ways to spoil you. If she writes for you, consider yourself lucky. Ask her to write for you. You will feel loved. There are moments when she might retreat into herself, and this will terrify you, but don’t fret - she’ll be back. 

She has dreams, wild ambitions. She knows what she wants. She might not have the courage to ask you to come along, at least for a while, but believe me, she wants you to.

You’ll want to protect her. She doesn’t need protecting. She’s strong and determined. But do it anyway. She’ll protect you in return. You will tell her things you swore you’d never tell anyone, because she will make you feel safe. No judgment zone. Make her feel safe and she will reveal a world you didn’t know existed.

She doesn’t like PDA. Don’t take it personally. 

Be gentle. Her tears will sting like nothing you’ve ever felt before. Her silence will sting even worse. 

Go watch her dance. You’ll thank me later.

Her favorite color is purple. Her favorite pokemon is Ponyta.

If you ever slow dance with her, you will never forget it.

She can become obsessed with things for a few days or a few weeks at a time. She will want to share these things with you. Psychology, world religion, Baryshnikov. You should listen, you might learn something. 

If she breaks your heart, you will forget how to breathe.

If you break hers, I will make you regret it.

The birthday I would have planned:

1. Oh ya hey here’s 100$ to spend at the rabbit hole let’s go crazy

2. Here’s another 100$ to spend at whatever clothes/makeup/idec place that is your call

3. Lattes

4. Dinner at some fancy pants restaurant

5. Let’s watch the fault in our stars and see who cries first (prob me) GOGOGO

6. READ ALL THE BOOKS. ILL MAKE TEA YO.

7. Take some bad ass fucking pictures. By hay bales. Because that’s how we do.

Instead, I am doing this:

1. Drinking my face off every day until class starts. Because whyte ave is the best place in the world.

2. ???

3. Profit

I hope you have a safe trip.

When I said goodbye to you, and we were arguing whether tennis or dance was more expensive, and you shushed me with that cheeky grin on your face, I remembered how nice it is just to spend time with you. I hope it was the same for you.

I said I didn’t want to lose,and I don’t. Maybe you dont know what that means, but it makes sense to me. But maybe its not about winning? I’m not sure. I’m content to live my life, secretly keeping you in the spot you carved into my heart, until you want me around. That’s probably why I haven’t gotten angry at you lately. I really want you to be happy. When I saw you in May, amongst the shitty things that were said between us, one sticks out: “If it’s meant to be, it will.” Timing is just a bitch. And the day we can sit down and have an honest conversation, whether its in 3 months or a year or five, you’ll go “damn. You’ve grown up so much.” And I’ll say “yep. But one thing is the same. It’s still you.” And then, I don’t know what you’ll say after that. Who knows.

Good luck, sweets.

Let’s get started
The faint and broken hearted
Hold it up, I’ve got something I cannot hide
The worst painkiller, all in filler
The part and departed look in my eyes

It’s sad, how far you ran
I’ll search this land
Up through the clouds then back here
We could reiginite
Like fireflies
Like an atom bomb at all hours

I’m empty like the day after Christmas
Swept beneath the wave of your goodbye
You left me on the day after Christmas
There’s nothing left to say and so goodnight

And your hands were like birds as they flew from the coop
Up my back they would climb just as I came unglued

She said
If you break my heart then I’ll change your mind
And I will do it again
If you play the part then I will play mine
And I will do it again
If we miss the mark if we hold on tight
We’ll be there to try it again

Nineteen as we roll across the bedroom floor
Your eyes they cannot lie as you’re dreaming of our future home
And the kids are growing up as you and I we are growing old
What a crazy world
Pretty little girl

In the rain with the drink from the back of the bar
I would raise up my voice, you would raise it up more
We’d forget that our lives being apart it is hard
We’d thought we were close but it still feels far
Can we learn to get by if we learn to have scars
If we learn to forgive and accept who we are?